Many of us ring in the new year with
boatloads of resolutions, promises, and grandiose wishes. Perhaps you found
yourself reflecting quietly to yourself this weekend, wishing for happiness,
love, and peace. “I just want it all”….you know you’ve said it. While these are
lofty aims, they are much much too vague. Especially since “it all” is
different for each and every one of us.
Most of us don’t walk into a
restaurant and ask the server to bring
us something delicious. While we may have the occasional spontaneous
day, we normally carefully review the menu, choose something to our liking, and
THEN place our order, perhaps with some modifications.
“Those who get what they want tend
to be the ones who know what they want”. The person who orders something
specific at a restaurant is more likely to be satisfied with the result. If you
leave things in the hands of others, you run the very high risk of not liking
what is brought out or not getting anything at all. What right do we have then,
to complain about what we get if we haven’t even taken the effort to identify
what it is that we want?
In order to figure out what we
really want, we must often first identify what we do not want and cannot
tolerate. Things that cause a negative reaction within us or make us feel
uncomfortable. It is important to not just pay attention to those feelings, but
to specifically identify what it is about a particular thing or behavior that
has caused this reaction within us. It is not enough to say “you hurt me”. We must
identify… “I don’t like being disrespected/lied to/yelled at, etc..” The more
specific you can get about what bothers you, the more clear you can be about
what you want.
Many of us stop half way through
this first step. We are quick to identify everything that is wrong, but don’t take
the time to evaluate what and why. We are stuck in the phase of complaining…which
rarely, if ever, brings any results. Once we’ve identified specifically what’s
bothering us about our lives, a person, a specific situation, etc, we can start
to imagine possibilities. Possible solutions that would make us feel better.
Once we allow these possibilities to
creep into our minds, we start to clarify our preferences. And once preferences
accumulate, we can specifically pinpoint exactly what it is that we’re looking
for.
If we take the time when we order
food, why should it be any different when we make requests of our own lives?
What is it that will bring you happiness? How can you bring more love into your
life? And find peace? It’s a tall order to make, but one worth thinking about.
*the concept for this post came from
an article in the most recent issue of Oprah’s magazine.
