Are you a Carrot, Egg, or Coffee Bean?

When I was younger, my dad sent me this story, and I wanted to share it because it changed the way I viewed adversity. I was always a quite resilient individual...my family reminded me of that often. But enduring difficult times is just half the battle...How do you let it change you? Are you a carrot, egg, or coffee bean?

A daughter complained to her father about life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of struggling. It seemed that as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a
bowl. Turning to her he asked. "What do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. She said, "What's the point?"

He explained that each of the items had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong and hard. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

______________________________________________________________________________

What strikes me about this concept of being a coffee bean is that it's more than just enduring adversity without letting it affect you negatively. It implies that as a result of difficult times, we enrich our environment. Obviously we don't walk around leaking coffee, so what does that look like? How do we acquire characteristics of our endeared expresso bean?

We've all seen and/or experienced the infectious nature of a random small act of kindness, or the simple act of smiling at a passerby. It has a dominoe effect. Now imagine when we are having a rough day, and we let that impact how we interact with others. It can have the same dominoe effect in a negative way.

The moment we see difficulties in life as tests and recognize that there is a wisdom/purpose behind each one, we start to receive confirmation that everything is as it should be. We sometimes hope for miracles or signs to feel God and help change situations we may find ourselves in, but I would argue that these very confirmations are the symphony of Divine presence in our lives. Constantly surrounding us, embracing us, and protecting us. We just have to develop the capacity, perspective and attitude to see it. Once we view things through the lens of "everything happens for a reason" and "this too shall pass", we are better able to understand the wisdom behind tests and remain positive during times of difficulty. Finding peace in the comfort of knowing that we are loved and never alone.

Failure's not an option.

 

“Becoming a successful person involves the sacrifice of some experiences in order to experience more deeply the values which are connected with and which promote one’s own destiny. Having decided what we want to be and what we want to do, we must exercise some selection in the experiences we seek, choosing those which are conducive to our goals and refusing those which could deter us…I would ask you to make a commitment to your life principle and have a passion for it…in making a commitment means making a choice and a surrender – a yes, and a no. something is and something else can never e again. In making this commitment, you are putting yourself on the line. It is at this point that so many seem to collapse within arms reach of greatness and they faint at the thought of never returning…”

One of my professors shared this quote with us at the beginning of the semester and I have referred back to it many times since. The times I really wanted to go dancing but stayed in because I had class the next morning. Or go to brunch with friends, but had an assignment or exam coming up. I’ve tried to remain connected, but I know I’ve missed out on things here and there because of my commitment to school. These are sacrifices I’ve made in order to accomplish something I’ve been working towards for many years.

So it made me wonder…if I employed this same mentality towards tackling other challenges I face (running late, procrastinating, accomplishing fitness goals, etc) where would I be? We all have setbacks, make mistakes, make excuses, etc. We come up with reasons why we haven't accomplished x, y, z. But the truth of the matter is that we often get in our own way of accomplishing our goals.

In the past when I've wanted to kick a habit I'd make a 30 day contract. “30 days without chick-fil-a”. And if I broke that contract, I’d owe a friend a certain amount of money. You may think, okay, that’s great. People work harder when they have something to lose. Which may be true. And that’s not to say that these 30-day contracts haven’t worked for me. But sometimes they don’t. If we are constantly setting stakes for ourselves, we are creating the possibility of not succeeding. We are telling ourselves that it is okay to just try and never accomplish anything. If we are truly ever going to come out of a situation we are unsatisfied with, the bargaining has to stop, and we have to stop giving ourselves the option to not make things happen.

I’ve always been afraid to set concrete goals because the self-disappointment if I don’t accomplish them is almost unbearable. Perhaps this is why I have always been so gentle when setting goals. Allowing myself lee-way. The option to not be successful. That probably explains why I have never followed through with any fitness goal I’ve set myself. I will toot my own horn and say I lost 50lbs last year simply by exercising and eating healthy. It was a slow and gradual process. But I also packed back on 25lbs this year by being lenient with myself one too many times. I was 5lbs away from my goal. Let’s just say having a spoon of nutella as a treat is one thing. But when that “just this once” treat turns into a regular habit, before you know it you’ve gone through 4 jars in a matter of months. That’s a problem. I know EXACTLY where those 25lbs came from lol. We allow ourselves to “cheat” once in awhile. But before we know it, “once in awhile” has become a habit. And we are stuck where we don’t want to be.

Monday I spent hours talking with one of my friends. I’ve informally designated him my official unofficial trainer/motivator during this process lol. We talked about the importance of having a vision and making things happen. My concrete fitness goals were one of the fruits of that discussion. Still the next day I felt the need to raise the stakes. I told him I’d give him $200 if I did not meet my goal by May 19. I was stuck in my old mentality that created the possibility of not succeeding. He responded with what are among the most powerful words someone’s ever said to me: “No, you gotta learn not to let yourself down.” Learn to not let yourself down.

Make. It. Happen. It’s that simple.

Goals vs. Promises

Going into Op Reboot, I didn’t want to set specific goals for myself for fear of making promises and not following through. But I’ve quickly realized a great fault in that approach. It allows the option to not succeed. I’ve struggled with reconciling the concept of “say little and do much” as my grandmother so wisely counseled my cousin, and the idea of setting concrete goals. “I’m going to accomplish X by X date”. The mere act of stating a goal…are those not words? We have stated we will do something. And if we do not follow through, it affects our credibility. Yet, even if we do not speak that goal, it is still something we have defined. We must define. Setting goals, therefore, is different than broadcasting promises. We need concrete goals in order to have something to work towards. Otherwise we are proceeding aimlessly.

Setting goals is an important part of any plan. In nursing, for example, care plans are developed for every patient. They consist of (1) diagnoses, (2) goals/outcomes, (3) Intervention/Implementation, (4) Evaluation. The wonderful thing about these plans is that they are not only patient centered, but goal oriented. Short term and long term goals are identified. They must be specific, realistic, and have a time frame upon which the goal should be completed. Interventions are basically a list of things the nurse and patient will do to meet that goal. And after the designated time frame has passed, the outcome is evaluated as to whether or not the goal(s) was met. And the plan gets modified accordingly.

One of my goals with Op Reboot is to get back in shape. Let’s be real. Everyone wants to look good and feel good in their body. I am no exception to that rule. However, I would like to emphasize that my main focus has never been and never will be for pure weight loss. Yes, I want to look good, BUT, I believe in a holistic approach to wellness, and establishing healthy lifestyle habits that can be maintained for a lifetime. Regular exercise, healthy diet, and spiritual nourishment are key. Being at a healthy weight for your height and age significantly decreases your risk for heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Learning in depth about all these disorders this past semester in nursing school only confirmed and reiterated that fact and the need to have healthy habits.

 

Back in 2008 I had reached 200lbs. It was at that point that I realized I needed to change the way I was living. By the beginning of this year I had dropped down to 150. After awhile I stopped working out as regularly (it was cold, I didn’t make the time, etc), but I didn’t gain weight because I maintained healthy eating habits. I plateaued for several months….but then nutella and nursing school happened lol. I currently weigh 175lbs with a BMI of 29.12 which puts me at the higher end of the “overweight” category. I don’t suffer from any health conditions due to my weight, but obesity runs in my family and so does diabetes. So the motivation to get down to a healthier weight is there. And beyond the health benefits lies my passion for dancing which in and of itself requires some level of fitness. I dream of one day taking a hip hop or contemporary dance class and both would be extremely difficult without a strong core, muscle strength, and flexibility.

The items I listed at the beginning of Op Reboot are still a valid part of my “care plan” but I will look at them more like “interventions” than “goal/outcomes” towards the path of healthy mind, body and spirit. So for my physical health, I won’t sit here and write that I’ll make it to the gym X amount of times every week. Or that I won’t eat desserts ever again. But I will say that I aim to be 145 by May 19, 2012. And 120 (BMI of 20 - "normal weight") by the time I graduate nursing school (December 2012). These are my specific, realistic, and deadlined goals.

To close, this quote:

“It is a shame for a [woman] to grow old without ever seeing the strength and beauty of which [her] body is capable.” -- Socrates

Here's to a journey that just got more real.

say little, do much

I originally wrote this note a couple months ago on facebook, but am posting it here because it ties in with thoughts I will post tomorrow...

This note is inspired by an article written by my amazing cousin. She talks about navigating her college experience amidst many choices and opportunities, and recalls a conversation with our grandmother that really touched me.

“During my freshman year, as I was sitting over coffee with my Bubby, I explained my courses, labs, jobs, organizations and activities. Eager to embark on the college journey, I made promises to myself about the future…."I will go to the gym at least twice a week," "I will keep in touch with my high school friends" and "I will not procrastinate in my classes." The list went on and on. After patiently listening to my schedule, hopes, and expectations, my Bubby quietly remarked, "emor me’at veaseh harbeh," "say little and do much." My Bubby explained that it is easy to make promises to oneself and to others, but it is far more difficult to follow through on those promises. Therefore, she instructed me to minimize my talking and increase my actions.”

Yom Kippur was fast approaching and my cousin goes on to challenge her readers to do the same – i.e. “minimize promises” and “maximize actions”. In many religious traditions, there is a time during the year of taking the time to turn inwards and reflect on our actions, what qualities we have, how we can still grow and develop. In Judaism, that time falls during Yom Kippur. In Islam, Ramadan. In Christianity, Lent. And in the Baha’i Faith, we have the month of fasting. I would challenge us all to not limit our inner reflection to those holidays or New Years Eve, but rather take a moment each day to see how our actions align with who we strive to be.

“After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.” – Unknown

"Let deeds, not words, be your adorning." -- Baha'u'llah

“The best way to keep one's word is not to give it.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

“A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain.” – Arabian Proverb

“Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned.” – Peter Marshall

“Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg.” – Author Unknown

"Don't talk about it, BE about it." - Eric Thomas

running reflections

Went for a run today….trees to my left, water to my right. I forgot my music. And it was cold and uncomfortable. Haven’t really run since the ½ marathon (and definitely didn't train for that in the months prior). But I will say this…as much as I don’t especially enjoy running as a form of exercise, it provides a free space of reflection that is difficult to find elsewhere. So my perspective on the matter is slowly shifting. I’d rather not run for fitness, but for understanding and peace. I seek that clarity. That split second when everything in life just makes sense and you know exactly what you’re supposed to do. Those “ah-hah” moments that rarely come when you are busy with work, school, or spending time with friends and family. A sort of active meditation. Since I can’t seem to be able to sit in one spot to do the same.

Today’s reflection involved the experience of running as a whole…one foot goes in front of the other. Sometimes you slow down. Sometimes you run faster and harder. Sometimes you walk. Sometimes you stop all together. Out of fatigue. Or simply to admire the scenery. Most of the time you’re looking ahead. But sometimes you look behind you. To see how far you’ve gone. Or realize how little you’ve travelled. If an obstacle blocks your path, you step over it or walk around. Still, one foot in front of the other. Always moving forward. At no point do we start walking backwards. So this notion of “one step forward, two steps back”…it seems like a rather negative way to describe someone who is having difficulty making progress. And if it’s not what we physically do when we’re on a path, why do we insist on carrying this cop-out of a concept into the actions we make in the path of our lives? I would rather stand still before taking another backward step (that pause would probably do us some good anyway).

I stopped at one point to take in the view (ok, I stopped several times lol). I asked for strength to overcome some recent challenges. And almost as an immediate answer to prayer, this quote by Abdu’l-Baha came to mind: “The same test comes again in greater degree, until it is shown that a former weakness has become a strength...”...i.e. "no my child, i'm not gonna make it go away" lol.

God doesn’t make things easier because all unpleasant things contribute to our growth. And they’ll keep coming back until we finally develop the qualities we need to overcome. Maybe it’s patience and detachment, maybe it’s forgiveness of others and ourselves, maybe it’s honesty, maybe it’s unconditional love and kindness, etc. And for us stubborn minded individuals, maybe it takes longer. But still, the process is a progressive one. Never recidivistic. Even with failures. We are always moving forward. I thought of the repetitive act of throwing one leg in front of the other on the pavement. With time, consistency, and perseverance, weakness and fatigue slowly disappear as muscles develop. Mind, body, and spirit. It all comes full circle.

FAILURE.

 

Yesterday I hit the gym...danced last night, and this morning went for an amazing run outside. For lunch I had a plate of brown rice, steamed broccoli and tilapia. But above is what I ate last night at 2am after I got home from dancing. Two days into op reboot and already hit a speed bump. I woke up hardly remembering having eaten it. Which made me feel worse about that decision. If it wasn’t even memorable, was it even worth it? It doesn’t look appealing, and it didn’t even taste that good. But I post this pic and not the one of my healthy lunch because I think it’s important to take responsibility and own mistakes. Not to wallow in guilt, but to honestly recognize an unhealthy decision when one is made. This applies to more than just pizza. When we push things out of our memory, we don’t always see the consequences. Our inner barometer can become compromised and we risk the inevitable formation of an unhealthy habit. Through recognition we take an honest look at ourselves and reevaluate…giving ourselves an opportunity to grow. And when that test comes around again, because you can rest assured that it most definitely will come again, perhaps we will face it with stronger resolve. And perhaps not. But at least it will be another failure on the pathway to success.

Side note: I knew this guy that had a hot sports car and his license plate read: “FAILURE”. When asked about it, he would respond simply that all his previous failures are what got him to where he is today. Behind every successful person is a chain of failures. And in front of every chain of failures is assured success. That has always stuck with me.

To Battle

a poem i wrote a few years ago...

To battle.
Have I chosen all this time to ignore it?
I glance at the gruesome field
And see myself being defeated.

I look away...
Avoiding the scene will make it a dream.
Not.

I look back...
Seeing myself try to withstand the pressure of the enemy.
Frustration.

I look away...
This isn't as serious as I think.
Not.

I look back...
Seeing the enemy thrush forward and grab something from inside my armor.
Anguish.

I look away...
It's taken my soul...and yet I still appear to be functioning.
Barely. Painfully.

I look back...
My strength is unequal, yet I refuse to be defeated.
Empowerment.

I look away...
Tap into that intrinsic source of motivation.
Look back.

I look back...
Facing reality is a step towards conquering weakness.
Look back.

I look away...
And yet force myself to look on again...if I don't believe in myself, who will?
Look back.

I look back...
Trusting in my Beloved that He will not leave me to perish.
Faith.

I look back...
Praying to my Beloved that He will not leave me to myself.
Submission.

I look back...
May the rest of the battle be in His hands.
Go forth!

I look back...
Nay, I run forward!
To aid my ailing soul against the enemy.
Fight.

OR - Day 1

Operation Reboot is off to a good start. I went to bed and woke up this morning reflecting on the following lines from the Baha'i Writtings:

"I created thee rich, why dost thou bring thyself down to poverty? Noble I made thee, wherewith dost thou abase thyself? Out of the essence of knowledge I gave thee being, why seekest thou enlightenment from anyone beside Me? Out of the clay of love I moulded thee, how dost thou busy thyself with another? Turn thy sight unto thyself, that thou mayest find Me standing within thee, mighty, powerful and self-subsisting."

We were created noble, and yet we often find ourselves in circumstances that challenge the loftiness of our station. Without fail, whenever I find myself in those situations, I feel my inner voice whispering "higher, baby...aim higher." I'm grateful for that inner pull to challenge myself to a higher standard, even though I sometimes (more often than i'd like to admit) ignore it. But when I listen...when I follow through with that sweet inspiration guiding me to make the right choice, the confirmations  are boundless. And my strength to overcome similar challenges in the future is doubled. All I can say is God is so lovingly patient. And I know He often looks down at me shaking His head while chuckling... "next time she'll learn..."

I made it to the gym tonight for the first time in maybe 2-3 months...i dont even remember the last time. 25 minutes on the eliptical isn't a great feat, but it's a start that i'm proud of. That's 25 minutes of not doing nothing! And now i'm off to get my dance fix :o)

Operation Reboot

2011 has been a year of awesome. I created my ever evolving “list of happy” and set out to make things happen. From small things like, having a cup of tea, spending the afternoon at Barnes & Noble,  watching the scrunched up paper of a straw wrapper grow with water, people watching at a local coffee shop, dancing, etc. to bigger ticket items on my list like the warrior dash, skydiving, going on a 10-day meditation retreat (no technology, no meat, and no talking), camping on the beach, the Baltimore ½ marathon, and one of my all-time favorites…catching the sunrise over the deep blue sea. I have enjoyed the company of loving family and am blessed with an incredible group of friends.

This year I also transitioned back into being a full time student in order to pursue a career I’m truly passionate about. The program is an accelerated entry-level master’s and needless to say, quite demanding. After an intense first semester of nursing school, I’ve neglected many healthy lifestyle habits. Procrastinating, not eating well, exercising enough, sleeping (as I write this at 3am lol), or tending to my spirit nearly as much as I should. And so, I’m pressing the restart button. Taking this opportunity to reflect and re-center on what’s important to me. They say it takes 3 weeks to form a new habit, so I will spend the next 21 days making efforts to focus on the following goals:

• Read the Writings in the morning and evening (plug in to Divine electricity)
• Pray & meditate (20 min every day)

• Eat healthy (everything in moderation)
• Workout (gym, dance, run)

• Unfinished projects (Chile blog, vision board, de-clutter)

• Write (blog & poetry)
• Music (create)

In an effort not to make empty promises, I merely put these goals out there as personal challenges. I challenge myself to arise…and invite you to join me on this journey :o)